Tips from a Newlywed Hothead

A friend of mine is getting married in a couple weeks. I wasn't able to attend her bridal shower, but the organizers asked us to write on a card, something like a memorable bible verse, an anecdote about marriage or womanhood. So I wrote the following:

TIPS FROM A NEWLYWED HOTHEAD
(Gathered from painstaking trial and error)

Things NOT To Say To Your Husband
• Are you REALLY going to do ____?
• Why on EARTH would you do ____?
• If I were you, I’d do_____.
• That’s not sexy.

Things TO Say
• I love you! (don’t worry if you say it first!)
• Thanks so much for doing ____ (mundane easy chore)
• You’re my hero!
• Hey, Sexy!

Things to have ready when he comes home
• A glass of cabernet
• low-carb chocolate
• Hi-carb chips and salsa
• Anything Baseball

Things Guys Love
• Back massage
• Foot massage
• Scalp massage
• “Other” massage
• Tandem showers, wherein you can massage everything.
(Hey, you’re married now, it’s all legal. Praise JESUS!)

VERSE
Better to live alone in the attic, than to
share a big house with a quarrelsome wife.
Proverbs 21:9